


Stay Alive (For Me) - Phan

by empireoffclouds



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Magic AU, Phan - Freeform, Romance, Sort of? - Freeform, everything is the same but everyone has one wish AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:24:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4125397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empireoffclouds/pseuds/empireoffclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is more interested in making other people happy than being happy himself. Dan wishes he could do something to stop him from destroying himself.</p><p>(Or AU where everything is the same except that every person on Earth gets one wish when they're born)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay Alive (For Me) - Phan

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty short but I hope you like it. Enjoy!

Dan has been working in his youtube channel for a long time, longer than he thought he'd be, and he's happy. He feels like he really belongs with Phil. Alongside him, and the other youtubers of course. Making videos. Not with Phil, he tells himself. 

Because Phil is amazing, he knew that the second he met him five years ago. He's talented and passionate and seems to get them on this whole other level. He lives and breathes videos, always having new ideas and coming up with incredible things and Dan thinks that's all he's ever wanted.

Things are going great. Amazing even. They have made it, they made it long ago but he feels as if after four years, he can truly say they did it. 

They're working on putting together a truly incredible tour, which is already expected by a ton of fans even if the dates are not quite ready. 

Except right now he's listening to Phil and Alfie arguing quietly, but heatedly behind the SUV they had used to get to the Vidcon venue. And this does not sound good to Dan at all.

"You have to tell him before this blows up in your face!" Alfie sounds downright furious. "Hell, it's already blown up in your face! You shouldn't have done this!"

Phil sounds wounded. His voice is clipped. Defensive. "You know how these things are! There's always a catch!" 

"You should have known that too! Did you ever think-" Alfie groans in frustration, kicking the tire hard enough to make the whole van shake. "This is damn selfish of you and you know it. You can't change it now, so you deal with it and you tell him. Tonight." 

"I thought I was doing more good than harm! I still think that." He sighs, and then softly says, "I'll tell him, Alfie. Don't worry."

-

Alfie had been 15 when he made his wish. His sister told him to do it, it was his decision, if he was sure.

He wasn't, but at the moment, there was nothing more important to him than helping his family get by. 

After the third day of hearing his mum crying softly on her bedroom, with his sister cuddled into his embrace, he closed his eyes and wished with all of his might.

He wished his family would never suffer because of money again.

-

Cat had been 19 when she made her wish. She was sure of what she wanted most in her life, she was sure she wouldn't regret it.

After all, family always came first. And when she found out her little unborn nephew was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, she left the room quietly, leaving her crying sister-in-law and comforting brother behind and entered the bathroom, leaning against the sink.

Closing her eyes, she wished with all of her might that her nephew was born a perfectly healthy baby. 

-

Felix made his wish when he was 20. He did not know if he was making the right decision, after all, fate was not supposed to be messed with.

But when he reached the hospital and saw his sister's crying face and his father's stony expression he knew it would be the right decision. 

He took a seat next to his father, clasped his hand tightly in his own and closed his eyes, wishing with all of his might for his mother's cancer to disappear and never come back.

-

Dan had been five when he made his wish. His mum had told him to wait. She said that he'd want something really special when he was older and to save his wish for then. But at five, Dan was impatient and thought he knew what he wanted.

To be fair, at that moment, he had known what he wanted. He wanted to never feel scared of someone else (in this case, the someone else had been a nine year old at the park who had pushed him off the swings and kicked him until his had a black eye and a bloody nose) 

Sitting on the bench while his mum cleaned the blood from his face, Dan had wished as hard as he could wish, that he'd be strong so no one could ever hurt him again for the rest of time.

-

"Have you made your wish yet?" Phil asked softly, curled up against Dan's side and hiding his face in the folds of his hoodie, touching the only subject they hadn't reached in the five years they'd known each other.

Dan grimaces at the memory, a little embarrassed he'd used it up so early. "Yeah. When I was a kid."

"Do you wish you could take it back?" 

Dan shrugs, moving closer to his friend and pulling the covers over both of them. "It had some consequences. They suck. But I can't take it back."

-

Dan doesn't leave his bed for three days after Phil tells him. He lays there and viciously wishes that he could undo the past. It doesn't do him any good. He's used up his wish.

When he finally stops crying, he just lays there and thinks about everything this means.

Fate is a cruel, ironic bitch.

He hates her.

-

At first, Phil only uses his power in partial. Dan watches him closely through out the sets, carefully observing how every interaction affects him.

The results are incredible, they talk and prepare hard and honest. The crowds love them, each set more packed than the last. The two boys stumble off stage with wide grins and sweat slick skin each night, ready to crash.

And each time, there are tons of wide eyed kids, completely enchanted by them, loitering around waiting to talk to them.

Phil listens to their stories and his heart aches for them, Dan knows it does. He can see Phil shouldering their burdens. And then he looks away because he can't bear to watch Phil when he takes their hands and breathes deeply; using his stupid fucking healing powers. Using up a little bit of himself to start healing the fans.

-

Phil was a sad kid. Dan has known that since they met. It's evident in the way Phil carries himself, and it's plain to see in the writing. Happy people don't immerse themselves in their jobs that much. Happy people don't talk to troubled kids with such obsessive urgency.

They lay close together at night, worn out from editing. Dan, feeling braver than usual, ran his hand through Phil's hair. "It'll get better Phil, I promise."

Phil let out a slow breath, leaning into the soft touch. "It's not me I'm worried about. It's all the other kids out there."

Dan hadn't known what to say to that, so he just hummed in agreement and pulled Phil close.

-

The collabs were going great, but Dan couldn't help his reluctance to film the videos. He knew Phil was using his powers when he was talking. He also knew the others did as well, he could see Alfie's pained eyes flickering back and forth towards Phil and the floor, he could see the way Cat's grin faltered a little when he talked, he could see Louise's hands twitching towards the camera every couple minutes.

Maybe he was just being selfish, but to Dan it seemed like a waste. They didn't even know if it would work over a recording. 

If he wasn't so anxious, he'd be almost as excited as Phil. (Phil who spends at least an hour everyday asking questions; writing snatches of new ideas between takes).

"Hey, you ready?"

Dan scowled, but nodded anyways. 

Maybe pouring his heart into the videos would make him feel better. He doubted it.

-

He hasn't been sleeping, a fact that's painfully obvious to anyone who has eyes. There are dark circles blooming under Dan's eyes and he thinks, not for the first time, that he could put a stop to this if he hadn't been so impatient. He looks at his reflection and fiercely hates what he sees.

-

"Dan. Please. Please don't do this to yourself." Phil's voice is small, but his hands move in sure circles across Dan's back as he heaves into the toilet. He thinks about how Phil's tried to heal him of all people and gags again.

-

When Dan was seventeen, someone tried to rob him. He'd been significantly smaller than his assailant, and returned him covered in blood with two broken ribs.

The next morning he left for school completely fine.

-

Phil is paler, skinnier, and somehow he's happier. He doesn't eat as much, but sleeps more and he seems cheerful more times than not.

It seems like for every bad day Dan is having, Phil's is good.

"You've got to stop obsessing," Alfie clucks his tongue before running Dan's character off of the track. "Or losing a game of Mario Kart is gonna be the least of your worries. Seriously it's not healthy."

Dan curls in on himself defensively. "I'm not obsessing."

Alfie raises an eyebrow.

"I'm not!"

Alfie doesn't mention that Dan doesn't sleep well anymore. He doesn't bring up the way he calls for Phil in his dreams. Alfie just shrugs and mumbles something that sounds a lot like 'whatever you say mate' and turns back to the Nintendo.

-

Dan loves hanging out with Felix and Marzia. Marzia and Phil get on well, and Phil seems to be significantly distracted from his own powers that Dan can breathe easy. Phil eats. Phil sleeps. Phil even tans.

Things are going better. Dan thinks he might not have to worry anymore.

Then they get the call from Tyler.

They've been talking back and forth a lot, planning a video together and generally getting to know each other even better. So phone calls aren't out of the ordinary per say.

Tyler sighing heavy and muttering "Fuck. Sorry. It's been tough to focus. Not getting enough sleep." That's unusual to them.

Phil acts immediately, taking a deep breath and speaking clear and even in a way that only means he's using his powers to heal Tyler. He sits like that for a long time, cradling the phone against his ear while his own eyes grow heavier.

Eventually Dan gives up and scoops Phil into his arms, carrying him to bed.

Tyler's text comes nearly ten hours later, Phil's phone beeping shrilly from its place on the table.

thnx mate

-

To: Tyler O.

From: Dan H.

Phil's dying

To: Dan H. 

From: Tyler O.

I know

To: Tyler O.

From: Dan H.

I'm not

-

Phil stumbles off stage the first night of The Amazing Book is Not on Fire tour, pinching his nose to stop the flow of blood.

Dan hands him a fistful of tissue and scrubs furiously at his eyes when he thinks Phil isn't looking

-

To: Tyler O.

From: Dan H.

i think im in love with him

-

Phil knows Dan, and everyone else, is mad at him. He's not stupid. But he's trying so, so hard to help people. He just wants his fans to stop hurting

The explanation is a ghost on his lips and Phil is vaguely aware he's being carried somewhere; and that there is a hand (not his) pressing a T Shirt to his face. It's stained with blood and even when he's half unconscious, Phil understands what's happened.

It takes ten more minutes before he can understand what's being shouted at him.

"...so damn stupid! How the fuck could you think this was a good idea?" Dan is livid, eyes wide and dark, and nails digging painfully into his own skin. "You're going to die! There will be nothing left! Then what?"

"Dan, mate stop" Alfie tries to reason but Dan is having none of it. 

"They needed me." Phil croaks out, lifting himself up from against Alfie's chest. 

That had been the wrong thing to say. Dan punched the wall before shoving him back roughly. "FUCK PHIL YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!" He screams, eyes shining with tears and fists catching Phil in the shoulder. "I NEED YOU!"

Phil drops the shirt and tries to steady Dan. "Don't take it personally, Dan. I was trying to do something good."

"What's good about leaving your best friend behind?"

-

When Dan finally visits at the hospital, he doesn't say anything. He just crawls into bed with Phil and kisses him with all his might.

"Never again." Phil whispers against his lips, "I won't do it if you can't come with me."

Dan chokes out a sob.

"I love you." He cries. "Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou."

-

For the first time in a long time, Dan sleeps just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> So if you liked it don't forget to add kudos and comment!


End file.
